he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I bet he comes in French.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
