You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Randomize
