You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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