just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Randomize
