she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
