what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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