Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
