My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
