Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
