I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
