It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
