my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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