I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Randomize
