I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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