He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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