Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Randomize
