Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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