sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
