Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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