i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
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