I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
