shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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