All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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