Will you blow on my dice?
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
