i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Its about making memories worth repressing
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
