totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
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