Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
