I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
