can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
