I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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