I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
