dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
