you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
