"it" just moved
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
