Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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