i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
