So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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