I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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