So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
