my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
