chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
