But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
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