i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
