You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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