I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
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