oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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