I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Randomize
