Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
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