after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
