I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Randomize
