so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
