finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Slut skills are useful in every country.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
