it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Randomize
