she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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