and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
