some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
